• Carly Kelly-Fairweather

The mystery of fertility

In 2018, our lives revolve around instant gratification and quick fixes. We are all so used to our questions being answered. So, what happens when there are no answers? These issues often come up whe

n counselling couples struggling with fertility. Why is it so easy for some, and yet such a challenge for others? Couples often become frustrated and overwhelmed by endless questions that just do not have an answer.

Here are five tips that may help to support you during the ups and downs of fertility.

1. Find the right medical team for you

Finding the right medical specialists on this journey will be worth its weight in gold. This may mean you have to shop around. It’s essential to find someone who is knowledgeable but also approachable. Their ability to communicate with you and allow you to feel heard no matter how many questions you may have is vital to making it through this difficult time. Don’t be afraid to keep trying until it feels like the right fit for you.

2. Ask the difficult questions

Fertility is a mystery. The simple fact is that doctors don’t know everything. Even the most specialised doctors in their field won’t have all the answers. This, however, does not mean you don’t ask. If there is something that is concerning you, ask. They may not be able to always give you the answer you want but if you have the right doctor they will provide you with the truth.

3. Know your stuff

Research, research, research. As they say knowledge is power. In a world where you may feel powerless, gaining your own understanding about what is happening can allow you to feel more in control. It also supports you to make more informed decisions about your body and what way forward may work for you.

4. Trust your gut

You know your body better than anyone else. Better than all the medical specialists around you. So it is important to trust yourself, trust if things don’t feel right. Trust if what the doctors are saying isn’t what you feel your body needs. If it is saying its time to rest, take a step back and process what is going on for you. If your gut is saying something is wrong, then listen for these subtle hints. You are the expert in your own life and doctors are there to support you and your decisions.

5. Keep your supports close

In this difficult time when it may feel like you are living a separate life from those around you, having a support network that understands your feelings and is there for you is vital. Even if you make the choice to keep this experience solely between your partner and yourself. Make sure you are both feeling connected. Check in regularly that you are on the same page, that the information is shared and that the difficult decisions you are making, are ones you are making together.

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